Saturday 7 November 2015

Monthly Film Reviews (October, LATE!)

I'm going to do mini-reviews of films I've seen recently for you cool kids. I may do it every couple of weeks. Comment your opinions if you've seen them. Obviously, I've seen thousands of films, but I'm going to start from last week. I don't give full marks out easily, as neither do I give bottom marks out easily, bare that in mind.


"Upstream Color" (Netflix) - I can't even begin to try and explain what is happening here. Trust me. It's the same Director who did 'Primer', it's essentially a Sci-Fi film without any real science fiction. Where Primer confused you with sciency-talk that you didn't risk trying to debunk, this confuses you with imagery and references.

It's shot really well and has quite a surreal edge to it. It's narrative may not be to everyone's taste as there's a lot of mumbly dialogue to give off a naturalist vibe. I expected more but I found it interesting enough.

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"The Rover" (Amazon Prime) - I absolutely love Australian films done well. The slight change yet similarity in culture always adds something extra for me. After seeing 'Animal Kingdom' and thinking it was probably one of the best films of the year, The Rover was put on my watch-list as soon as it was announced. Now, Robert Patterson is a lead character in this alongside Guy Pearce but I hope people look past the Twilight thing because personally I think teen-movie actors should be given a chance at serious roles. Unless your Taylor Lautner and then you're just asking for trouble - put a t-shirt on for fuck sake. I've even given old Harry Potter the benefit of the doubt a couple of times.

Anyway, the film itself is nothing like Animal Kingdom, it's very slow and builds up it's narrative through the cinematography of the baron near-future landscape and grubby inhabitants.

R.Patz for me is playing someone with learning difficulties, at least that's what I'm telling myself to make his performance er on the thin line of good and bad. Not even in a Nic Cage way. In all though the film was quite enjoyable, it had a mute-tone which I generally like anyway as I don't need people constantly yapping to get what is going on. I'm being only very slightly generous in the score of:

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"The Signal" (Netflix) - I actually really liked this. It's about a paraplegic computer whiz at MiT who is dropping his girlfriend off at her new Uni/College and decides to pay a visit to a hacker who has been bothering him and his mate for a while whilst on the way.

All of this goes to shit, obviously, and they all end up in some kind of Area 51 type complex after seemingly having made contact with Aliens. I can't say any-more on the story other than it progresses really well, with the Action actually building up closer to the ending. The twist I saw coming about 30 minutes near the end but I don't think it's that obvious really. It's definitely underrated.


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"Late Phases" (Netflix) - Werewolf movie. If you've seen 'Stakeland', you'll recognise the main protagonist in this, who plays a grumpy blind veteran in an old people's home. He's no way old enough to be there and the make-up is pretty average. This actually progresses decently enough, the acting is borderline but after a shaky 10 minutes it becomes interesting.

I will say this now, the Werewolves are pretty shocking. They are more like giant evil Rats with plastic looking complexions, but the transition scene is up there with one of the best of this genre.

If you can get through the first sighting of the Werewolf, you'll be able to enjoy this decent flick.



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"The Conspiracy" (Netflix) - Found-footage horror/thriller based on two film-makers who follow a conspiracy nut who is convinced of secret societies / illuminati and 9/11 being a government false-flag. The said conspiracy nut then goes missing and the two film-makers try and work out what happened.

There's parts that are really creepy and a few times I stopped to remember that this is all based around real-world theories, which heightened it for me scare-wise. It's definitely better than the lack of marketing has suggested and if you're a bit of a tin-hat wearer yourself then give it a watch. 

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"What We Do in the Shadows" (Netflix) - A mockumentary about a group of Vampire house-mates in New Zealand. This was actually pretty funny. All the vamps are from different periods which is explained quite well in sketches, so everyone has their unique personality that is built around that. A lot of gags from the seen-it-coming line but also a few that were unexpected.

The script plays on the more 'underwhelming' realisations of what Vampires are actually like, but has enough changes in pace to keep you going. I always rate comedies in comparison to other comedies, and this is easily a 7/10 for me.

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"Hyena (2014 film)" (Netflix) - A gritty dirty-cop thriller by the same Director/Actor combo as 'Tony'. The film follows a coke-snorting detective and his colleagues who are in with some dirty drug smuggling business that quickly goes bad and are forced to work with a new set of criminals who don't trust them (and whom they don't trust either).

The story doesn't particularly move forward other than when he meets a human-trafficked woman and some violent scenes trying to get her out. I enjoyed it for it's almost noir style and credible acting. The ending is pretty annoying, so if you hate "Soprano-type" finales you may want to re-consider watching it. Excellent cinematography, solid acting and with grungy cop-thriller vibe it's worth a look.
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"Grabbers" (Netflix) - Set in coastal part of Ireland, a weird Alien squid thing is killing people. It took me a while to watch this because the poster for it looked too B-Movie for me to consider it a serious choice. However when I did I found that this was a very Shaun of the Dead type film that can be enjoyed if you aren't being too try-hard for the night.

There's definitely a bit of wonky-Irish-accentry going on with the clearly Sheffield-based actor who has a shit perm. However the idea that this Alien can't eat you if you're pissed is quite funny. I'm glad I ended up watching this as it was definitely not the SyFy special I expected.

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I actually can't believe I've watched 8 films this week and not be single.

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